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.Thursday, December 29, 2005 ♥
going...mad.

[going...mad.]
n udda...joke.:.:THINGS ACTUALLY SAID IN COURT:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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Q : Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say? A: ‘What disco am I at?’
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did he kill you?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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hiya! i'm back...literally going mad. 2dae went 2 register 4 d jap cls @ MOELC. mi cls is J1C, 2.30-4.30 pm, mon n wed. den oso bot d bks ler. sho d colorful de. den aft d registration went 2 mc's 2 eat brkfast. mum ate fish burger, i ate egg muffin. aft dat i went hme n mum went 2 wk lers. was so tired i tink i slp 4 @ list 3 hrs. so happi!!!! ji inn same cls s mi!! =) heehee. catcha nxt tym!

Love, @ 11:18 PM
.Saturday, December 17, 2005 ♥
Cowabunga!

[::cowabunga!::]
jokey jokey: Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.""That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story."It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story."Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
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i m bak! tym 4 mi 2 tel d tales of d adventures of sotong girl in japan! hahax...crappx...here goes...ahem ahem...newae dere is nth mucha 2 sae...we went 2 a lota boring temples, 2 2 castles (osaka n nagoya), 2 theme parks (universal studios n disneyland), dere were 3 nite tours, went 2 a deer park in Nara, gion geisha st., hitched a bullet train (shinkansen) 2 Nagoya, went 2 Hakone National Park, Owakudani Valley (boiling valley) ware sulphurous fumes rise frm cervices in rocks, ascended Mt. Fuji n almost freezed 2 death dere, spent a nite @ a jap hotspring inn, went 2 Odaiba Park, Aqua City Odaiba (sounds lyk 'Agua City Odaiba') n shinjuku 2 shop, went 2 metropolitan gov. building n observatory tower 2 c d tokyo nitescene, enjoied juz being in jap, n enjoied d in-flite movies n stuf =) newae, sims lyk evryting dere can b summarised in 1 sentence: eat, shop, see, feel, play, smell n slp. yah. enuf abt jap. tyme 4 d PSLE results! i m sho satisfied wif mine, 4 1. i m nw tryin 2 get in2 nanyang. if i rilly manage 2, i'll spend mi nxt 4 yrs wif ji inn n maeb (bt hopefully NOT) qian ting. n i oso happen 2 noe a senior dere =) n i juz luv d sch building-it is sho damn fantastically beautiful n i heard education dere was fun =) sharul n sun oso did v well; sharul heading 2 anderson n sun aiming 4 chung cheng yishun. nat did vv well, she goin 2 scgs. ~if i were her i da2 si3 oso dn 1 2 get in~

Love, @ 11:40 PM
.Wednesday, December 14, 2005 ♥
i'll b back

:aLoHa! i'M bAcK!:
here'x nudda joke: A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"

well i gtg nw, gotta attend wan eng jie's wedding dinner, i'll go thru wad happened during d hols n 2dae when i get bak ltr!

Love, @ 4:35 PM
SPONGEBOB

chunhui
lives in a pineapple under the sea [:
and plays clarinet with squidward +D
and piaaaaaaaaaaaaano too +D
and hearts nycb, 306'08, and swimming many many +D


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